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‘Boards Don’t Hit Back’? Hmm, well, this wasn’t my first choice. I’ve spent the past month or so deliberating over this blog malarkey – procrastinating, researching and attempting to formulate a hopefully cool-sounding domain name, only to draw a complete blank. Initially, I went with ‘Chemical Smile’ (too edgy), then ‘Over The Line’ (too yoof), before settling upon ‘God Loves His Children’. But recently, I had another change of heart – or, rather, I realised how much of a ponce it made me sound – so I’m sticking with BDHB (if you’re into the whole brevity thing).

How did I get here? In the spirit of disclosure and bearing in mind short-attention spans (mainly my own), I’ll answer as honestly and succinctly as possible:

Illness.

At the unreasonably advanced age of 46 and after 20+ years of persistent boozing, my body – notably the pancreas – has finally called a halt to proceedings. In addition to chronic pancreatitis, we have gastritis, anaemia, IBS, nocturia, type 2 diabetes, some liver damage and subsequent teetotalism to contend with. Oh, and boredom. Come to think of it, boredom is on par with illness as a suitable explanation for my online meanderings.

For the past three months and following two hospitalisations, I’ve been recuperating at home – being closely monitored by my Mum – and more importantly keeping well away from the demon drink and instead necking prescribed chemicals with abandon. Consequently, I’ve lost two stone in weight and in some respects, I’m a noticeably thinner shadow of my former self. In addition, it seems a new strain of illness surfaces every other day. The ship is sinking. However, the mind remains sharp and I have some unparalleled medical assistance to keep me breathing. It sounds incalculably more serious than it is, as I’m sure there are other poor souls in considerably worse positions than my own. I’m fortunate to live in reasonable comfort and have an assortment of books, movies and PS4 games to keep me occupied as I convalesce.

I’ve asked myself on many occasions why I’m bothering with this online journal. At one point, with so much time on my hands, I did consider travelling the world and using a blog to detail my adventures. But really, who was I kidding? With a few notable exceptions, I can’t stand people and I’m too much of a homebody to venture far beyond the relative safety of these four walls. Thinking about it, I do recognise this whole experience as a journey of sorts but really, the blog exists purely for my own amusement.

Anyway, welcome to my tiny corner of the world-wide web. Like me, you’ll pick it up as you go along and please bear with me if I tweak, redesign and rewrite sections without warning. The structure is likely to be tangential.

Indeed, I may just delete the whole bloody thing and go do something more constructive instead.

We shall see.